The deadly trio of 2010's 1st quarter

Legion, Solomon Kane and Clash of the Titans. What do they have in common? I dunno if whether it's a new style of film making, where the concept is the number one concern rather than substance, but regardless, shit like these needs to stop. That's already RM30 of my hard earned cash, not including duit tol, gas, parking and the overpriced in theatre junk food. And for what? For what?????

I swear, there were times in those 3 movies, that i just wanted to scream "WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUCK?" out loud in the cinema. And I somehow have the feeling that a lot of people would join in as well. cuz these three movies are definitely some of the worst pieces of crap that i've ever paid to see this year.

for those who haven't watched any of these, don't. unless its for the sake of finding out how bad it is personally. I'd advise against it tho. Don't say I didn't warn you if you go thru it. just for the heck of it, imma just write a really short list of what's in the whole of the 1 and a half hours of the movies i just mentioned just to sate your curiousity. *SPOILER ALERT~!!!!!!*

legion :
- gay angel fighting possesed people who look and act a lot like zombies.
- gay angel killing zombie-like people with guns. yes, even in heaven there's still no escaping National Service Training.
- Gay angels fighting each other with guns and what seems like a mechanized spinning mace.
- Gay angels fighting like 2 drunks in a bar.
- an old woman zombie, a little girl zombie, and an ice cream man zombie. luh-aaammmeeee........
- in short, just lotsa gay angel stuff.

Solomon Kane :
- had kind of a kickass pirate looking entrance for the intro. and the main guy looks kinda badass in that scene.
- after the fight with the hooded flame-blade wielding demon thing he turned gay, denounced violence, had his body fully tattooed with what appears like doodles you'd normally do in class. and hiding in a church/chapel/whatever cuz he's too scared to go out and fight them demons that were looking for him.
- a really weird and very long and drawn out scene with this one traveling caravan family which ended with the father being stabbed, the son's throat being slit, the other brother who came out of nowhere in a scene and just had like one line who also died (seriously man, this dude just pops out of nowhere!! I was like what the eff?? who is this guy? Where'd he come from??), the mother left behind with a bunch of corpses and the daughter kidnapped by what looks like Nacho Libre on steroids.
- Solomon then turned emo and killed some of the leftover guards which were pointless cuz he wasn't protecting the rest of the family. he just went apeshit.
- after the fight found everyone was dead, dying father asked him to look for daughter. he stole some swords and a cape and a horse from the dead bad guys and rode off only to fail again. weeee!!
- emo again, went to church prayed to god after denouncing him, got thrown into a a cellar filled with zombies got out fought some more bad guys who told him the girl was dead (she was alive btw), killed them and then became emo again and got wasted in a tavern.
- this was when me and my friends walked out of the cinema. Too much emo shit, too much bullshit, its just basically a shitfest.

Clash of the titans
- yet another movie where the main guy is a fisherman.
- who turns out to be a demigod
- family killed by hades
- zeus got angry at humans cuz they duwan to love him no more
- asks hades to kill some people in a town.
- hades had other plans to overthrow zeus
- found the guy who was turned into the hunchback of notre dame. who's actually the guy who tried to kill zeus long before. but zeus showed him who's boss by fucking his girl right in his own palace bedroom. Oh yeah!! zeus FTW!!
- Zeus waited for the guy to come on, at the same time showing his bare ass and and a smirk before awesomely shapeshifted into an eagle and flew off to olympus to smoke a fag or two.
- guy killed wife, got struck by zeus's lightning bolt, hence turned into the above said hunchback of notre dame.
- zeus helped out perseus by giving him a sword which had a lightsaber-ish looking mechanism. dunno why he was helping him tho cuz, he did say at the start of the movie that he didnt wanna help his bastard son.
- perseus traveled to find witches and kill gods. had some friends along the way. fought some scorpions, rode some scorpions, lose some scorpions, fight training with Io on the ship, which lasted about 2 seconds. i guess that's all the training u need to kill a medusa. cheesy speech before medusa battle, lost balance in medusa lair, fell down, lost one friend, by the time he got up he lost two more, and by the time he actually fights the medusa, everyone already died. woohoo!!
- after slicing the medusa's head came out of cave, was expecting rough, victory open air sex with Io now that everyone's dead. but fell short when the hunchback stabbed the girl through the back. the hunchback must have had some ninja training, cuz im pretty sure she would've seen that guy coming. it was a wide open space and that guy looks like he swam in a pool of minced beef!
- perseus who was still horny and still had his boner, kills hunchback, pegasus comes out of nowhere, flies to city, killed kraken by just dangling the sliced medusa's head in front of it. and the kraken is supposed to be the biggest baddest titan around that even the gods were scared of this thing. not really the end battle i was hoping for really.

yeah.. and that's about it.

imma go out training now. bye bye people :D

A Movie Worth Downloading

For some reason my internet connection is going at a steady 1-1.5mbps for the past coupla days. Most dudes would just stream porn. I on the other hand who refuse to follow the rules and the stereotypes of being a single guy in a room with very fast internet connection after many months of crawling 56k-ish connection speeds, decided to watch weird youtube vids instead. :D I went through quite a lot, from music videos, independant movies, pk vids, stand-up comedians, and for today's topic, Movie Trailers. :D

Fortunately for me, I landed on a pretty funky looking title called, as you have guessed from the poster I put above, The Machine Girl. Bet I got your interest. Now, I actually got this from another forum board while I was searching for some interesting movies to download. But because this is a feature length film, I wanted to know what's in the 700MB++ file I'm gonna be downloading. It takes quite a while to dl and I didn't wanna waste my time with a mediocre or sub-par piece of shit.

I went to IMDB for reviews and ratings. A reviewer featured on the page had only compliments on the movie. The rating was not bad either, around 60% or something, I don't really remember. So, it could be one of those great movies that most people didn't really get. Or so I thought.

For the final decision making act, I turned to youtube and searched for the trailer and when I did, I was caught by surprise. The trailer was awesomely bad!! Kinda like watching that OH MY GOOOOOOODD!! actor in whatever monster movie he was in. It's so bad that I had to watch it. Thus, that marked the final nail in the coffin and the rest as they say, is history.

It's definitely all I hoped it would be and even better too!! So, as I end today's entry, I would like to recommend to the guys streaming porn right now while reading my blog, to quickly download this movie and u can still watch your porn as you wait for the movie to finish downloading and experience what I have experienced. I can guarantee you that it's an experience like no other. :D Two thumbs and a pair of drill nipples up from me!! Oh yea, I would recommend you to watch the movie without watching the trailer first tho. Definitely a shocker of a starter. lolz.

Terminator Salvation

Okay so we came in half an hour late for the movie. But that's not the point. I'm not gonna write a long winded review of the movie. So instead I'm just gonna put it in point form.

- cinematography is great, lighting is great, the cgi is great

- the supporting actors sucked, they can't effing act! I mean seriously. It's like watching a cheesy B grade movie.

- The script... wow! I think they only focused on christian bale, cuz the rest of the cast, like I said, cheesy lines, cheesy acting, cheesy everything. And not the good kind of cheese too.

- The story.... What was the story again? Like Ammar puts it on the ride back home last night, it's like they made the trailer first and then patched up the rest of the movie from it. It sucked!

- The terminators.. Wow.. this is the future where the machines control themselves and is wiping out the human race. So why the hell are they wearing clothes? There's this one terminator dude who looks like an effing terrorist! Exactly like Achmed the terrorist. And the twitchy puppet like movements of the non CGIed terminators were awful.

- Sound effects, pretty good, but recycled throughout the movie. You'll hear the same things over and over again until the movie ends. The rail guns, explosions, and that annoying robot sound. Which is kind of like a wailing robot pontianak.

- Background music? Were there even any? I guess they spent so much on the explosions and CGI that they can't afford better script writers, actors, or even music composers for that matter. It was bland. The ambience was non-existent. See music plays a big part in movies. When you omit that out u also detach the audience from really being drawn into the moment. Which is my other complaint.

- There are no moments in the movie that really pulls you in.

- Last but not least... The ENDING!!! WTF???? Okay, I kinda was imagining of the worst possible ending for the movie. And it happened. Yay!!! The minute your audience can guess your ending. That's it, your movie truly sucks.

- As an ending note, it's bland, its cliched, its predictable, it's a B-grade movie housed in a blockbuster shell. End of story.

Thanks for reading. I hope I managed to save you guys some cash.